Slowly you begin to rouse. Are you in your own bed? Did you make it home last night? You stretch out your arms and try to open your eyes. They’re pasted shut. You rub your face and try rolling over. That’s when your stomach makes a funny gurgle and your head decides to split open. You’ve got the mother of all hangovers.
There are only two safe ways to cure a hangover. The first is to not drink in the first place, but you are already beyond that point. The second cure is to drink a lot of water because your body is dehydrated, hence the migraine. Of course, you could also be foolishly daring and try out one or two of the remedies on this list, but I wouldn’t recommend it (unless you already have some pickle juice on hand and zero plans to kiss anyone anytime soon).
Lemon in the Armpit
Yeah, you read that right. In Puerto Rico it is believed that the best way to cure a hangover is to prevent it in the first place. You are supposed to take a slice of lemon and rub it into the armpit of the arm you use to drink. Of course, there is zero science to back up this seemingly old wives’ tale, but it would be rather funny to get one of your friends to do it after a few drinks.
Pickle Juice
When I was pregnant, I suddenly started craving pickles, olives, and vanilla bean ice cream. Everything else seemed to make me feel queasy, but jumping from salty snacks to sugary desserts seemed to keep me happy. Hangovers are kind of like being pregnant. You feel bloated, like you are going to throw up, and you just want to lie around in bed, so it is no wonder that pickle juice is a gross, but fairly common hangover cure. In fact, pickle juice will give your body some well needed salts after a night a binging and puking, so it’s all good.
Raw Eels
This hangover remedy comes from the Middle Ages and is not a recommended cure. Chop up fresh, raw eel with a few bitter almonds and eat to your heart’s content. For a safer, modern version of this remedy, I’d go for smoked eel or even some pickled herring, and I would skip the bitter almonds entirely. They are poisonous.
Bull Penis
No, I am not calling you names. Dried bull penis is an actual hangover cure in Sicily, Italy. The dried wee-wees are sold in the butcher shops over there as a cure for a long night out and for virility, but in the U.S. we would have to buy them in the pet shop or do an online search to buy them ahead of time.
Rabbit Poop
Given the choice between chewing on a bull’s dried penis, eating a bird embryo, or testing out rabbit poop, I’d actually opt for the rabbit poop. This was a popular hangover remedy among cowboys of the wild west. Gather some rabbit pellets and make it into tea. You’ve got to drink the stuff to get it to work. Bottoms up!
Castor Oil
Castor oil: America’s least favorite laxative, at least for us older folks who have horrible childhood memories about that spoonful of medicine. It’s the stuff of child abuse, but in all honesty castor oil is actually good for you. An old hangover cure involved a mug of warmed milk mixed with two tablespoons of castor oil and a dash of cayenne pepper powder. Drink it down, sit back, and let your belly gurgle. The desired effect will happen soon enough.
Grease and Fast Food
A popular hangover cure among celebrities, a greasy breakfast is believed to cure the worst of hangovers. Paris Hilton, on the other hand, prefers to get her grease at a fast food restaurant. While there may not be any scientific proof that greasy food helps with a hangover, a bacon, eggs, and home fries breakfast the morning after a big night out certainly helps ease a troubled stomach.
Duck Embryo
I have seen people eat these and it has never been pleasant. In the Philippines, a duck embryo is boiled inside its shell and served as a sure cure to a hangover. The duck embryo already has feathers, beak, and bones, so you will have to eat the whole thing (after you suck up the juices). Of course, that hangover might not feel so bad after all and you can skip eating Tweetie-in-a-half-shell.
Prairie Oyster
Have you ever eaten a raw egg? I have. Once. It went down and, just as quick, it came back up. To make the prairie oyster hangover remedy, break a raw egg into a small glass. Add a dash of Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper. Give it a quick stir with a fork and drink it in one gulp. The downside to this hangover cure is the risk of getting salmonella.
Pickled Tripe
What is the remedy for an upset stomach? Cow stomach. That’s right. In Pennsylvania German country, a quick and easy remedy for a hangover is to eat some pickled tripe. Yum! You can buy it in a lot of grocery stores throughout Berks and Lehigh County. You can even find it in many of the local Amish stores and butcher shops.
