Published in 1874, shortly before the time of Prohibition in the United States, this article details the eight types of drunks you can find on any given weekend or holiday.
The Style of Drunk
There are different styles of drunkenness now in vogue, and these different types generally bring out the peculiar characteristics of the man. The most foolish thing a man can do is to get drunk and make an exhibit of the passions within him
1. Monkey Drunk
The first is the monkey drunk. He makes all sorts of grimaces, cuts up “monkey shines” and leaps and dances, looking silly as an ape. Poor fellow, he has his reward when he can excite the laughter of his fellows.
2. Bear Drunk
The second is the bear drunk. He becomes sulky, growls, and mutters at everything and everybody. Sometimes hugs you with huge arms and paws. Looks sleepy, walks sluggish, and finally becomes bearish, and wants to fight.
3. Tiger Drunk
The third is tiger drunk. He is full of blood and thunder; can whip his way through a regiment of wild cats. His eyes flash vengeance, and he wants to murder somebody, and then drink his blood, in order to satisfy his vengeance. The poor fool generally ends up his drunk by going home to abuse his wife, frighten his innocent children, and quarrel with his best neighbors.
4. Hog Drunk
The fourth is hog drunk. He rolls in the mud and filth of the streets. The ditch or sewer is as good a couch as a feather bed to him. He grunts and slobbers, and whines for more drink, as the hogs do for swill. This sort is absolutely disgusting.
5. Dog Drunk
The fifth is dog drunk. He snaps and snarls, shows his teeth, betokens madness, as he runs this way and that way. Men are inclined to knock such in the head, and shoot them as they would a mad dog.
6. Hound Drunk
The sixth is hound drunk. He will whine and weep, rubbing up against you, and will slobber all over you if you do not kick or shove him off. He loves you muchly; says you are his best friend. He will fight for you at the risk of his life. These poor creatures are to be pitied, as whisky seems to soften the brain, and make fools of them at an early stage.
7. Owl Drunk
The seventh is owl drunk. All the wisdom in the world seems suddenly to center in his pate. You must not differ with him in politics, or religion, or law. He knows it all. He is the richest man in the country. Nobody has anything that can compare with this. Dispute his word or take issue with him, and you have made a mortal enemy. These rich old fools ought to be left severely alone. You can’t teach them anything. Solomon was a mere circumstance, a mere waif on the stream of time.
8. Fox Drunk
The eighth style is fox drunk. Whisky makes him smart, crafty, ready to swear to the broadest contradictions. always ready to trade, swap horses, run a race, swap lies. He is the meanest drunkard of them all. Look well to the fox drunk man. [Source]
