One of the amusements of the past was to write funny, rude, and shocking epitaphs for real and imaginary people. The following epitaphs were published in newspapers in the early 1900s.
1. Epitaph on a Portrait Painter
“Taken from life.”
2. Epitaph on an Upholsterer
Too cruel death has snatched poor John away,
And changed his feathers for a bed of clay.
3. On an Auctioneer’s Tombstone
“Going – going – GONE.”
4. Epitaph on an Unlucky Author
Here lies John Muir
Killed by a reviewer.
5. Epitaph on a Waggoner
Here I lie – no wonder I’m dead,
For a broad wheeled wagon went over my head.
6. Fell Into a Manhole
Here lie the bones of Lucius Chalk,
Now crushed, though they began whole.
He tried to do the goose-step walk
And goose-stepped down a manhole.
7. His Name was Mud
The following epitaph was reportedly seen on a tombstone in Swedesboro, New Jersey back in 1905.
Here lies Matthew Mud. Death did him no hurt.
When alive he was Mud, and now, dead, he’s but dirt.
8. An Honest Lawyer
Said to have been discovered on a tombstone in a London suburb:
Here lies an honest lawyer.
That is Strange!
9. A Man Named Box
Here lies one Box within another.
The one of wood was very good;
We cannot say so much for the other.
10. A Clean Shot
Here rest the bones of Silas Hay.
The darn fool got too smart.
He looked into a gun one day
To see the bullet start.
11. One Foote in the Grave
Reportedly discovered in a Norwich, England graveyard:
Here lies one Foote, whose death may thousands save,
For Death hath now one foot in the grave.
12. Putting it Bluntly
An epitaph found in Otsego County, New York:
“John burns.”
13. Killed by a Tree
From a tombstone on Prince Edward’s Island:
Here lies the body of poor Charles Lamb,
Killed by a tree that fell slap-bang.
14. Smart Widow
An epitaph written by a widow on her husband’s gravestone:
To follow you I’m not content,
Until I know which way you went.
